


dancer in the dark

by angelicashes



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon compliant-ish, Gen, The choking incident is dealt with, angsty, fuck riko moriyama, kevin finds his self-worth, kevin gets the love he deserves, kevjean rights, post-binghamton riot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28406844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelicashes/pseuds/angelicashes
Summary: In the motel room kitchenette, the room swathed in darkness, Kevin could almost replace the cheap plastic picture frames with photos of the ravens, and the small blonde boy standing over him, with a small dark haired one. It was all blending together, and he was almost unsure where he was. Almost.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Jean Moreau, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 13
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've devoured every fic relating to kevins trauma and finally felt the need to write my own. I tried to make it as canon-compliant as possible, but forgive me if its not.  
> 

1\. the fear before the fall

Kevin dropped his bags onto the motel floor and fell onto the couch. His bones were heavy; every cell in his body begged for rest, but Kevin had learned long ago to ignore that burn. All the foxes with severe injuries would be back from the hospital by mid-morning. Only he, Nicky, Aaron, Renee, Dan, and Andrew remained. Andrew was beaten up enough, but he had pulled his knife on Abby when she had suggested he go to the hospital. He had pulled it out on everyone else at least twice since then. His eyes were wild as he prowled the motel room, clutching Neil's abandoned satchel in his hands so fiercely his knuckles were white. 

_He should know,_ Kevin thought. He felt like he was drunk - his head swirling and cloudy, despite the fact he hadn't had a drop to drink. Andrew had gone through Neil's messages to find that ominous countdown, and now he knew Neil hadn't just gotten lost in the crowd - he had been taken. By who, there was only one choice. But Kevin knew there were two. 

"Listen", Wymack commanded, turning all the foxes heads as he walked through the door. He scrubbed his eyes tiredly. "We need to rest. I've just finished up with the county police. They're searching, and Abby will be back with-"

"I'll trust the country police with this when I'm dead." Andrew spat back, voice gravelly and cold. Kevin shrunk back into the couch unconsciously. _He won't leave you, Kevin,_ he scolded himself. If the Moriyama's had taken Neil as they thought, Kevin should start digging his own grave in the motel parking lot. It was a final sentence, a full stop he hadn't expected so soon, but that he had expected. Andrew was a riot shield, and that was an atom bomb. But if it was the other option- 

"I will handcuff you to this table, I swear to fucking God, Andrew." Wymack said, shoving past a distressed Nicky to fill a glass of water. He threw back two tablets and washed them down. Andrew fumed silently. Kevin caught Aaron's eye, who promptly looked away. 

Kevin wanted to reach out to one of them, to scream his fear. For Neil, mostly, but for himself too. In the Nest, there was only one source of danger - Moriyama. But there had been a source of reprieve from that too; dark hair, grey eyes, encircling arms. Andrew was sitting on the couch armrest now, so close Kevin could touch him, but he was a million miles away, wherever Neil was. He should call Jean- 

Wymack's phone rang. It had rung a thousand times tonight, and into this morning, but this time the room had been so quiet every head snapped to it. Kevin wanted a drink to create a different burn in his body, so badly his hands were shaking. He would have to deal with that one day, maybe. 

"Wymack." Kevin's father said, his voice hoarse from yelling down the line at local cops that _yes, I'm sure it's Josten, cant you find it in the fucking records?_ and _Get back here, or I will come to find you in the bus._ His face paled. 

"What is it, coach?" Dan whispered. She was seated on the other end of the room, arms firmly around Renee, who was nursing the cuts on her knuckles with sombre indifference. Nicky rested his head on his cousin's shoulder, and for once Aaron allowed it - everyone seemed to have somebody. Kevin turned back to Andrew, his saviour, his bane, his friend and his safety. But Andrew did not have eyes for him. 

Wymack ran a hand through his hair and snorted. Seeing him laugh disoriented Kevin completely, and snapped Andrew's stick-thin patience in half. "Put me on the phone, coach."

Wymack glanced up at him, his eyes full of something Kevin had seen a hundred times on court and relished in every time, but destroyed him now - defeat.

_They've found his body. If it's Riko, It will look like a sick accident, a star exy player come to an untimely death, But Neil would have suffered, died screaming, Kevin knew. If it was the other option-_

"The _fucking_ FBI." Wymack whispered, drooping his head, and every body in the room went rigid. "No." Kevin groaned, unconsciously. Neil was meant to be a star - Kevin had worked him to his bones every night, worked himself to death along with him, bared his soul and demanded Neil do the same. He needed to live. Kevin knew with just those three words it was not Riko, which meant he would live and Neil would die. Was, dead. 

Andrew said nothing, but drew himself up from the couch, took two steps across the room and snatched the phone from Wymack's hand. Wymack was only milliseconds faster, and hung up with a curt nod and flung the phone into the kitchenette sink. "Call's over, Andrew. Sit down. You all need to sit dow-" 

Kevin gagged. His body mutinied against his stoic expression and forced a convulsion to ripple through his body. He hid his face in his elbow, drawing his knees to his chest. If Kevin had been a religious man he would have been praying, praying that at least Neil went to the afterlife in peace. 

"What the fuck do you know, Kevin?" Andrew said quietly. Kevin let Andrew pull his arm from his face and looked up at the blonde goalkeeper. _He should know how it happened_ , Kevin decided. _Let him ask me. Let him ask me_.

"Andrew, sit the fuck down and let me finish! They couldn't tell me how-" Wymack did not get to finish. 

Andrew pulled Kevin to his feet and threw him into the wall in one fluid movement. His hand wrapped around Kevin's neck like a vine, like a snake, like the dark coils of death dragging you home. His eyes were black. "Tell me what you know."

Kevin wanted to fight. He knew, somewhere in the minute part of his mind that was still operating normally, he could have thrown Andrew across the room before he began to choke him. But Kevin trusted Andrew. He did, he did, even as the breath left his lungs and he turned red, and then purple. 

"Stop! Stop it, Andrew!" Nicky begged, wringing his cousin's arm desperately.

"Tell me!" Andrew screamed back, his face an inch from Kevin's. Kevin had seen many desperate men, but none as desperate as this. 

"His father- t-took him." Kevin choked up. "T-t-the Mor-Moriyama's own him." 

Andrew dropped Kevin like a child who abandoned their rag doll in favour of another, four pairs of hands wrapped around his arms, pulling him off Kevin's corpse. Kevin hit the floor and coughed so hard blood touched his lips. In the motel room kitchenette, the room swathed in darkness, Kevin could almost replace the cheap plastic picture frames with photos of the ravens, and the small blonde boy standing over him, with a small dark haired one. It was all blending together, and he was almost unsure where he was. Almost. 

Kevin's whole world span. Voice echoed in his skull like bullets in close quarters. He felt like his hand was broken all over again, blood and bone and tears everywhere he looked. Kevin had had Jean to save him then. _Andrew will save me now,_ he told himself, then looked up again and remembered. He did that three times before Wymack and Aaron pulled him to his feet and put him down on the couch. 

"Be here soon...take Kev-" Wymack's authoritarian voice sounded more like a nervous boy's now. Andrew stood in the center of the room, drawing everything toward him like a hurricane. 

_You lied to me_ , Andrew seemed to say in Kevin's head. 

_He asked me to,_ Kevin answered, pleading his case. 

The real Andrew flung Renee off of him and stormed out of the door, slamming it so hard the walls shook. Wymack, Dan and Nicky hurried after him. Only Aaron remained, staring down at Kevin like a replacement Riko. _Andrew._

"Why didn't you just ask?" Kevin slurred, and the whole world went black. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin had known what it was like to be second his whole life. He had accepted it, from both Riko and Andrew. But now he was third. He was the price Andrew was willing to pay for Neil's safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @essence-29 on tumblr for helping me with a bit of jean's characterization and being a fellow kevjean fan!  
> I hope you guys enjoy this slightly more angsty chapter :)  
> Kevin day protection squad will be coming soon!

2\. the plummet

Kevin gently touched the mottled bruises spreading on his neck as the bus traversed from one motel to another. Neil was _alive,_ Kevin's mind screamed. But it was a muted scream, like a person underwater. Another voice was dominating Kevin's mind, one he had never had the luxury to push away.

 _Why did you bruise his face?_ The Master had asked Riko quietly. He stood above the two of them, a towering monolith, despite the fact Kevin was easily taller than both of them. _I deserved it,_ Kevin had said, the exact way Riko had told him to. For that, he had got a slap so hot and hard across the face he had never tried to defend Riko from the Master again. Now, Matt looked at him the same way.

"It doesn't hurt," Kevin promised Matt for the sixth time. The backliner eyed him carefully, knowing he was lying, knowing he was defending Andrew. Kevin wasn't sure why he was doing it either.

"Of course it hurts," Aaron interjected from behind Kevin. Both he and Matt span around to look at him. "Don't be stupid, Kevin." 

Kevin bristled. Aaron wouldn't have said that if Andrew hadn't been at the front of the bus, spitting poisonous insults at Wymack, who he was handcuffed to. Who was he to speak to Kevin that way? As if he understood his pai- 

Kevin's brain, too late, remembered that he would understand. Perfectly. 

Matt sighed and returned to his seat next to Dan, sliding his bandaged hand around her and pulling her close. In front of them, Allison rested her head on Renee's shoulder. 

Kevin sat alone. He hated it. 

_What are you without me, Kevin?_ Riko had asked him one day, a voice in a dark room in a bed across from his. Kevin had swallowed thickly, still unable to answer a question he was asked so frequently. 

Riko had said the answer was nothing. Andrew had said the answer was safe. But Kevin felt stuck somewhere between either answer. 

"We're here," Abby said, pulling the bus into a remote parking lot behind the actual motel. The two FBI cars that had been escorting them parked nearby and the foxes trailed off of the bus and up into a room with them. 

Kevin had one foot off the bus when Andrew moved suddenly from his seat, pulling Wymack to his feet with him. 

Kevin flinched. Andrew did not notice.

"Oh no you don't, Minyard. Sit your ass back down." Coach Wymack said, looking up at Kevin as though it were his fault Andrew had moved.

"Don't try and stop me. It will only end badly for you." Andrew said to Coach flippantly and pulled them both up out of their seats with a strength Kevin's throat knew intimately. Kevin tumbled backward off the bus and scrambled to his feet on the asphalt, sprinting full speed towards the building. The last place he wanted to be was near Andrew's outstretched hands.

 _Farther from me is closer to Riko,_ Andrew had once told him when Kevin had gone to the bar in Eden's Twilight alone. Kevin tasted blood in his mouth from biting his tongue as he fell. _You are_ _Riko,_ Kevin's submerged, underwater voice threw back at the ghost of Andrew. His hands began to shake with the need of a drink again. 

He collapsed on the bed in the furthest corner of the room and had only had time to breathe once before he walked in. Nathan's creation, Nathaniel. But somehow, it was also Neil. He was so scarred Kevin could barely look at him. But his eyes were calm, sure, and alive. And searching the room desperately for Andrew. 

"Where's And-"

The crash was loud and cacophonous. Andrew charged into the room, pushing past the Agents, with Wymack being pulled after him by the handcuffs. Andrew was still the hurricane he had been yesterday, obliterating everything in his path on his quest to get to where he was headed. Now he was here, and the storm seemed to dissipate into thin air. 

Kevin watched them collide, two parts of the same weather system, drawn to each other by forces stronger than either of them. Andrew's hands were soft and gentle on Neil's face. He didn't grab him. He didn't choke him. He had promised to keep him safe, so he did. _But what about me?_

Kevin had known what it was like to be second his whole life. He had accepted it, from both Riko and Andrew. But now he was third. He was the price Andrew was willing to pay for Neil's safety. Was this how Jean had felt?

_"Kevin...look at me," Jean lifted Kevin's head gently, surveying the damage. It wasn't enough for the Master to question Riko, it never had been since that first time. Kevin relished in the soft touch of Jean's hands, cold and wet from the shower. Just minutes before, Jean had been berating Johnson in french-dripped English, picking at his every weakness, making certain Johnson would drink his sorrows away tonight. But now his gaze and words were soft for Kevin, for him only. Kevin was selfish. He needed it._

_"It doesn't hurt," Kevin said, lying. Jean only looked at him, knowing him too well to call it out. They both knew how badly it stung._

_"If I'm not careful you'll be wearing my two soon enough," Kein said, needing Jean to tell him it wasn't true. It was low, it was self-serving, but Kevin knew Jean would still tell it to him, to make him feel safe._

_"That's not true, Kev. You'll always be first to him." Jean replied, helping Kevin off the floor. The two made their way back to the kitchens, to eat a cold dinner abandoned by the team. A few more minutes for just them._

Kevin swallowed. With Andrew's back to him, small and vulnerable, Kevin tried to convince himself that that life was far behind him, that the Nest was not a place he should want to be. But when his hands reached up to touch the mottled bruises on his neck, he wasn't sure he could believe he wanted to be here, either.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He promised to keep you safe, and he didn't," Renee finished, looking up into his eyes. Kevin saw in them what he thought Jean saw too. A pillar of strength, so strong you could lean on it all day and it would keep you standing. Kevin had never needed to see that in Renee, he had Andrew. So where was he, then? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Blair, who made me love this series in the first place <3  
> and we're almost done!!  
> please enjoy and tell me what you think :)

3\. the uphill battle

Sleep had always been a fitful thing for Kevin. Interspersed with flashing memories; his first-ever goal, his mother's smiling face, blood-stained tiles in the locker room at Edgar Allen. He woke up breathing heavily, his trachea strained with the pain of his nightmares. His throat was dry. 

Kevin reached for the bottle of water that should have been on his nightstand when he realized he was actually on the bus still, forehead pressed against the cool glass windows.Kevin scrubbed his eyes and sat up straight, a hand already rising to tenderly touch the mark on his neck. The bus returned back home in the darkest depths of the night, the entire team so silent Kevin was sure they were all ghosts. But once the doors opened and the foxes left Kevin behind, he realized he was the ghost among living people. He stood in the parking lot, staring up at the fox tower. 

The foxes all stopped, and for a second Kevin was convinced he was dead. They were all staring at him, but not _at_ him. More like through him. "Are you alright, Kevin?" Dan started, always first to broach any conversation, her captain's voice firm and sure. 

"What?" Kevin turned his head to his right, where Andrew always stood, to ask for guidance. But there was only Nicky beside him. Andrew was miles away, giving his guidance to Neil instead. Kevin couldn't blame Neil for that, not really. He needed it just as much. But Kevin had never been told Neil would take precedence. Maybe if Andrew had told him, he would've been okay with being third. 

"Why do you care?" Kevin replied because of course, Dan was only asking to be polite. He understood that. He put on his best Kevin Day glare, all poised anger and hostility, and pushed past them. He was halfway up the stairs to the apartment before a hand caught on his arm. 

"Asshole. You look terrible. Of course we care." Allison looked so angry Kevin's first instinct was to ask why her passes were so off, but he realized they were not on the court and she had just said something vaguely kind to him. Renee came up from behind her, an equally cold look on her face. "The fact that Andrew did that to you Kevin-" she cut herself off, staring out over the balcony. The three of them stood outside his room. Nicky and Aaron were hovering behind them, whispering in what Kevin didn't need to hear to know was german. 

"He promised to keep you safe, and he didn't," Renee finished, looking up into his eyes. Kevin saw in them what he thought Jean saw too. A pillar of strength, so strong you could lean on it all day and it would keep you standing. Kevin had never needed to see that in Renee, he had Andrew. _So where was he, then?_

"It wasn't the Moriyamas who took Neil. I was never in danger." Kevin clarified. 

Aaron snorted, obviously done with the conversation, and pushed his way past them to the room. Nicky followed after a second. 

"That wasn't what I meant," Renee explained, voice friendly and eyes stony. 

Kevin didn't want to hear this from her. She was an average goalkeeper, an upperclassman, a friend of Andrew's. He did not need her to be telling him what it meant for a promise of safety, of friendship, of brotherhood, to be broken. This wasn't his first time. 

"Believe it or not, Kevin, we do care about you. We won't just let this go." Dan said and Matt nodded, before reaching a hand out to clasp Kevin's shoulder. Matt's hand stopped an inch from where it was, and Kevin knew the bloodless, lightweight feeling he felt was being reflected by his expression. 

"You're really not okay, man. And it's not going to help you to stay in there." Matt jerked his thumb towards the cousin's room. Kevin realized it had always been called that, despite the fact that he lived there too. It was Aaron, Andrew, and Nicky's room, with a ghost haunting the halls. 

"Where do I go?" Kevin asked. He didn't look up; he had no interest in seeing their expressions at how soft his voice sounded. 

"You're staying at our place." Allison said with finality and pulled him towards the room, Renee and Dan on either side. Matt slipped into the cousin's room, said a few words to the boys and then followed Kevin to the girl's room.

In a flurry of movement, Renee had provided blankets and pillows for the couch, Dan had taken Kevin's bag from him and Allison had placed a glass of water and two advil in his hand. 

"Take it. Get some sleep." she said, and the three girls disappeared as fast as they had come. Kevin was equally shocked and grateful. It reminded him eerily of when he had first arrived at the foxhole court a broken and damaged mess, and Andrew and Coach had put him back together again. _Only now you've fallen apart again, haven't you?_

Kevin scolded his mind and dropped down onto the couch when Aaron and Nicky appeared at the door with Matt. They stared openly at him before Nicky took a few steps inside and dropped a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt of Kevin's next to him. "Stay as long as you have to," he whispered, before darting back out the door and down the hall, Aaron on his heels. Matt tapped the doorframe twice and disappeared. 

Kevin tossed and turned all night, the raw pain of his bruises twinging with each movement. Kevin had never felt his bruises at the Nest, it had never kept him awake. _Pain is a side effect, of greatness, Riko promised him, as he cut a long line down Kevin's inner thigh. If you can play with this, it'll show how much stronger you are than them. That you deserve your place._

Kevin rose from the couch, changed back into his dirty court clothes, and crept out of the girl's room. In no time he was at the court, the only place he knew his value, as a member of the team, was first. He was the best of them. Here, Riko couldn't drag him down and Andrew couldn't dictate his importance.

He pushed himself until the sun rose, thin streams of golden light dancing through the rectangular windows, making everything a blushed rose color. Only two people in the world shared Kevin's love for the court. One, Neil, for the game. For how it made every cell in their bodies come alive, made their skin prickle with goosebumps as the crowd cheered their names. 

The second, because it was where they could be together without an excuse, where Riko could yell orders and drills all day but, when it came down to it, they could still make it their court in their minds.

Kevin got his phone and returned to the court, sitting down in the middle of the giant fox pawprint as the sky turned pink.

"Jean", he whispered, and Kevin felt the tattooed number on his cheek and the bruises on his neck disappear. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin thought back to when they were kids, and their first time in the Nest. Riko had cried their entire first night in the darkness, but Kevin had loved it. He had come to hate it later, for what it stood for, but just then he had been a dancer in the dark, taking it in and using it to make him fearless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final chapter!  
> thank you for reading, and happy new year to my fellow kevin day stans!

4\. steady ground

Kevin caught Dan's pass without a second look and shot it with startling accuracy at the goal. The goal lit up a bright red, and the goal siren blared, echoing around the court. 

"Good work. Everyone off." Coach Wymack said, as he pushed open the door and ushered the foxes out. Kevin stood on the far end of the court, breathing heavily, watching them go. His mind was still on his conversation with Jean two nights before, to distract himself from what was coming this afternoon. _You're not alone,_ Jean had whispered down the line, the echo in the background indicating that he was in their old spot, the empty guest change rooms on the court, all black walls, and red LED lights. _They don't know what it's like. What we've been through,_ Jean's voice had shaken, and Kevin wished more than anything that he could have been there. _Don't let them take what you fought for._

Kevin felt Renee walk up next to him. " We were good today, Kevin. Come and find me afterward, okay?" she said, all smiles and worried eyes. Kevin looked away, then watched her go. He knew why coach why was still standing on the court, why everyone else had cleared off in record time. He turned back to the goal, eyeing it as though it could fix all his problems. 

"What do you want to happen?" Coach asked, walking towards Kevin. "Should I suspend Andrew from the team?" 

Kevin felt every hair on his body stand up in surprise. "No! Do you want us to lose?"

"I thought you said we never stood a chance anyway." 

Kevin turned on Wymack, angry that he would say such a thing. "You know better than them that is never my meaning when I point out our weaknesses. If the team wants to live in denial, let them. But I will not. We need to improve, and we can't do that without Andrew."

Coach stopped next to Kevin, and the two of them looked at the goal. _He doesn't even know,_ Kevin thought miserably. _He doesn't even know he's my father._

"I think you're the one in denial. Protecting Andrew and acting as though you're fine is not helping anyone, let alone yourself." Kevin thought Wymack might continue, but he just placed a hand on Kevin's shoulder. Kevin thought he must have felt him flinch. 

"I won't forget. Just make sure you don't, either."

Kevin watched him go and wished he could scream at him that he would never forget, that it changed everything, but he knew it wouldn't change what he thought of Kevin. _He thinks I won't fight like I didn't fight Riko._

 _But I got out,_ Kevin thought, tightening his grip on his racquet. _I scratched and scraped and crawled, and I got out._

_._

Kevin stood over his couch-bed in the girl's apartment, folding and cleaning up his mess. Renee had told him he could stay as long as he needed; that it would be better if he stayed away from Andrew. Kevin would; he was privileged enough to know the person he wanted to be wasn't who he was yet, and that he would escape in the middle of the night panicking and choking if he went back to his room now. 

"Kevin." Dan stuck her head into the doorway, frowning at him like he was a puzzle she couldn't find the final piece for. "They're back." 

Kevin stood up to his full height. In a black crewneck sweater, black jeans, and overly-expensive white sneakers, with his winning scowl plastered on his face, he knew how intimidating he looked. He had been raised to inspire fear, by having it inspired within him. Lately, it seemed everyone had forgotten he was more than the body hiding behind Andrew Minyard, to the point he had let himself become that too. _Don't let them take what you fought for,_ Jean whispered in his head.

Renee's voice suddenly raised from outside and there was a terrible crash. Kevin spun around, and Dan plowed past him, every muscle in her body coiled like a spring ready to jump. "What the hell is going on?!" she yelled, but soon her voice became muffled too, and Kevin stepped out into the passage.

He and Andrew locked eyes from behind the wall that was Renee, Dan, Matt, and Nicky. Aaron and Matt were a couple of steps in front of Kevin, and Neil stood on Andrew's left. The lines were drawn for a battle neither Kevin nor Andrew had any interest in fighting. 

"Move," Andrew commanded.

Dan snorted, and Renee flexed her knuckles. "I don't want to take a side," the rainbow-haired girl said. 

Kevin had had enough of being treated like an abused puppy. Not from Andrew, not from the foxes, not from Riko. They were all of the impression that if you hit a dog too many times, it learned to cower. It was true enough that Kevin could cower well. But right now, he wanted to bite. 

"Then don't, Renee. I appreciate the sentiment, but I have better things to do than stand here." he shoved between Nicky and Dan, Jean's words rattling around in his head the only thing keeping his nerve and the respectable amount of vodka in his system the only thing keeping his hands steady. He stepped close to Andrew and stopped, daring him to touch him. Kevin was taller, more agile and fitter than Andrew, and equally as strong. 

Andrew's eyes were sullen, and suddenly Kevin felt truly unafraid. Andrew knew he had broken their promise; he would not attempt to repair it only to break it again for Neil if he needed to. What was done was done on his part. 

Kevin stormed past and returned to the court, but he didn't change out. He sat at the top-most bleachers, staring down. _What are you without me?_ Riko and Andrew asked Kevin in his head. He had never had an answer; one was always given to him. He did now, though.

I'm Kevin Day. That is enough. 

. 

When Andrew arrived to fetch Kevin from the court at sunset, Kevin had descended the bleachers and stood in the goal, claiming Andrew's home court. This conversation would be on his terms, by his rules. 

Andrew stopped at midcourt, banded arms crossed against his chest. 

"You broke our promise." Kevin started. 

"So break your half of the promise, Day," Andrew responded. It was not what Kevin had expected, and he took a second to take in his words.

"I don't want to. I see potential in you." Kevin responded, and found the words he spoke to be true.

"But you could," Andrew continued. "You could break your half, and we'd both be the better for it. You would be free of me. I would be free of you." 

Kevin tried to pick up on what Andrew was hinting at. "But I don't want to."

Andrew dropped his crossed arms and stared back at Kevin wordlessly for a minute. "Neither do I." 

Kevin never heard Andrew say _want._ He never heard Andrew say _sorry._ And he knew he never would. Andrew was not stepping down from protecting Neil; he would never do that either. In a way, Kevin was glad for it. The exy world needed Neil Josten, and in lieu, Andrew Minyard too. Kevin had just been the first one to notify Andrew of that idea. 

"You've never needed anyone to protect you, Kevin. You got out on your own."

 _Not really,_ he thought, thinking of Jean's soft assurances and worried grey eyes. _Yes, you did,_ Jean argued back, like he always did when it was just the two of them. 

"But I will anyway." Andrew finished, turned around, and started back out the door before Kevin could reply. He stood alone on the court for a moment, listening to the white noise hum of the lights and his own heartbeat. It was not an apology. But Kevin did not need one. 

Riko would never give him an apology, either. But Kevin did not need it to move on, to be himself. Kevin thought back to when they were kids, and their first time in the Nest. Riko had cried their entire first night in the darkness, but Kevin had loved it. He had come to hate it later, for what it stood for, but just then he had been a dancer in the dark, taking it in and using it to make him fearless.

 _He'll never touch me again,_ Kevin realized, _because he knows I don't care if Neil is first to him. I can't be defined by a number._

Kevin smiled, his hand reaching for that small white scar on the inside of his thigh. Riko had given it to him to disadvantage him, he knew, but the pain had made him stronger. _It shouldn't have to, but it does._

Kevin Day left the court, and for the first time, as he passed the mirror in the foyer, his hand didn't reach up to touch his bruised neck, or the tattoo on his cheek, weighing their importance on his body. He ejected Neil from the front seat, got in, and let Andrew drive them home. 


End file.
